Exhausted. Mentally and physically. When you're a kid, no matter how crazy your child hood was, you think your life is normal. You don't know any better. I thought all the abuse and the way my family was was normal. I am now realizing it's not. Honestly, growing up sucks at times. I wish I was still a naive lithe kid, but Im not anymore. It's been a slow process and healing and I feel as if I am carrying as this pain around. I know I am not alone in this. We are carrying our personal problems with us every where we go and it's killing us. I get 10 hours of sleep and I can hardly wake up.
I have felt like the darkness has been closing in on me and I was about to be sucked in with it. I almost was then I had hope. Ask yourself this question: Does worrying and obsessing over your problems 24/7 help.... at all. No, it makes it worse. I am not saying to just push them into a corner and act as if they aren't there, but take a break for a while. I wake up each morning and I am hit with the reality of my life.... I am fatherless, I barely see my brother, I have depression and a panic disorder, and I have this huge cloud over me that's filled with a dark past. My past shouldn't define my future and I won't let it. I thank God for waking me up and I hand him all of problems and trust that He knows what to do with them, I mean He did create the universe therefore I know He can handle this. Then, I go about my day knowing they are in good hands and I enjoy myself. I feel free and I get to experience life's beauty.
This is easier said then done. The past can be a hard thing to deal with and same with the problems in the present but God has got you! Give it all up to God and when you feel up to it take back all of the memories and the problems and work on them. Once you're tired give to God again. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed. Stop trying to "make it through the day" and stop carrying all these problems. Go out and live.