Memories can kill you inside. It isn't easy to be happy and carefree when you have a dark past that follows you. You can't live in the moment when your mind is occupied by haunting memories. The past few days have been amazing and I have felt God grant me with a few days of complete peace, until today. The idea of my brother coming over for dinner meant he was coming with a bag full of memories that I didn't want to think about. I began to have a panic attack and every bad thing I could think of came up. Being abused is terrifying and usually you can remember the scene perfectly. Today, I was put back in serval of those seances. I have to relive it and it felt like I was right back there.
I actually see this a blessing because I can work through them. God doesn't give us what we can't handle. I wrote those memories down, put them in a box, and gave them up to God. Right now I am choosing to be carefree and happy. When I feel strong I will work through those but now isn't the time. You can't pretend like your past didn't happen but you don't have to let it rule your life and define your future. Give them all up to God and when you're ready work through them. The past is the past. You have learned from your mistakes and bad experiences. Remember that it already happened and you have a bright future ahead of you.