It has been one of those weeks. Actually let's try one of those months where nothing goes right. Everyday is a battle to stay alive and go about my day. Honestly, every single minute of the day I feel like breaking down and crying. I try to give it all up to God but obviously I'm not doing something right because I still feel like weight of the world is on my shoulders.
The only reason I haven't gone into the kind of depression where there is no return or killed myself is because I haven't lost hope. Yes, I did have 5 panic attacks. I do miss my ex like crazy. I do think about my dad every day and my heart breaks over all that he's done but I am still fighting. I know God will pull me through and put a huge smile on my face. Obviously I would love this "search and rescue mission" to speed up, butI know God's timing is perfect. Every day I remind myself a couple of things:
-God is with me every step of the way
-the a purpose for all of my suffering
-Earth is my temporary home. I won't be here forever and when I leave I will go to Heaven where everything is perfect and I can actually hug God and look at him while he says, "I love you".
God never gives anyone what they can't handle. He must think I am a very strong girl because He has handed me a lot. I don't feel strong but I believe I am because God says so. I truly believe anyone can make it out of anything with God's help. Jesus beat death and He is on my side! That always makes me feel invincible. So yes, I am in so much pain but I won't stop pushing. God has put amazing people in my life to keep me going. To anyone who supports me words can't describe how grateful I am. God is good and this storm will pass. You can't have a rainbow without a little rain.