One day I am on top of the world and I can't stop smiling. Those are the days when I am stronger then the depression. Today has not been one of those days. I woke up just feeling awful. Anyone without depression doesn't get it, which isn't their fault. But if you have it you what it feel like to be in pain the entire day. All I wanted to do in school today was just sit down wherever I was and started balling. I wanted to cut the entire day but thankful God granted me the strength not to.
I am walking around with the weight of the world on my shoulders. Going to therapy twice a week is needed but it's exhausting. Having nightmares about my father are exhausting. But most of all fighting to be happy all the time is exhausting. I am God's child so I try to be a light and have a smile on my face but this depression is strong. I don't want to show people how I am feeling on the inside but it's hard to hide. I feel like I am in hell. All I can do is hold on hope. That is what pulls me through these terrible day... and lots of chocolate. If you are having one of these days or it has been on of these weeks just hold on to the hope that Jesus is with you every step of the way. Think of the pure bliss of Heaven where depression doesn't exist. That's what is pulling me through.